“Finding My Way Home”
Excerpt from Memoir, “Finding My Way Home”
“Attachment” was a commonly used word by de Mello. Unhappiness controls us because our ego-body-self-identity is a false programming of who we are. Asleep, we become caught in the illusions of mortal time and space, which is only a tiny speck or blink in timelessness, and thus is not reality. Our task is to reprogram our brain computers so we can awaken, become happy and free. At the time, computers were just becoming popular and de Mello alluded to them frequently for analogies. What we program into our mental computers is what comes out.
I hung onto every word, often holding back tears, realizing what a needy, foolish and ego-centered person I was, and always had been. I allowed my family, my location, my vocation, the church and its beliefs to determine my levels of peace and happiness. I too, as de Mello described, lived as a “sleep walker,” totally unaware of Who I was. “I have never had so much all at once,” I wrote. “How I can ever be the same!” I wanted to “wake up!”